It’s been a long time since I wrote anything of a philosophical persuasion. Like many other people I’ve gone Full Hermit. I’m struggling to have conversations with my closest friends because let’s face it, there’s fuck all happening. And as far as I know, there’s no queue to listen to the inside of my head.
I’ve been in observation mode and what I see is a great deal of discontent (naturally) and resentment (not cool) amongst almost everybody. It’s fine to a degree considering the circumstances.
The essential worker would love to get the government handout and relax at home; the person who is not allowed to work feels redundant; the person who is on their own in lockdown is jealous of those with children; those with children wish they could have an hour on their own; those in unhappy marriages would love to live in solitude and those who are single now find themselves reconsidering singledom. This list is not exhaustive.
It’s human nature to want what we don’t have. Is it conducive to a peaceful and contented life? Definitely not. The answer seems to be gratitude, and I do see many people working diligently on increasing it. This is amazing and for any of us who are, we are guaranteed a much better life over all.
Now, this isn’t to say that coveting thy neighbours life is bad and evil etc, not at all. It’s a useful exercise in checking the direction we are driving in. Until lockdown we all seemed to be either wandering about without a plan, or rigidly adhering to one without the certainty of happiness at it’s ‘destination’.
Why? Because even in the remote hills of Donegal (where ‘rat-race’ is a foreign concept) we somehow found ourselves as conscripts to some kind of conformity. Bollocks to that.
Photo by Freya
Lockdown, as rubbish as it is, has given us all plenty of time to figure out what direction we want to go in, when we can. And rather than let the resentments of others, subtle accusations that we lack gratitude, trick us into thinking there’s something wrong with us because we aren’t happy with what we have - WE SHOULD PURSUE THAT HAPPINESS.
It seems lots of people are too.
I’ve seen a steady increase in new start-up businesses, men and women who have done the same thinking I have done and found that actually they don’t want to go back to work for the big corporate company, they don’t want to get up at 6am and get home at 7pm to pay for a house they spend hardly any time in; to pay other people to take care of their children so they can work to earn the money they need to pay other people to take care of their children.
They want something else. They want creativity, passion and happiness, appreciation, something more earthy and fulfilling. Above all else FREEDOM. This is a marvellous thing, and the money will always come if what you make is made with your heart. (thank you Thomas Sheridan for saying this to me years ago.)
I’m lucky. It’s a known fact that if I fell out of an aeroplane, I’d land on a bouncy castle. I’m lucky because I always follow my heart and no one was ever able to stop me. I have created a life I love, on my own terms and without referring to anything external.
So how come I have this gnawing feeling of discontent? I live in a beautiful house, my children are happy, healthy, smart and witty, not to mention beautiful. I have incredible friends all over the place, who actually like me. I have enough money, I truly love my job, I have four working limbs and my hair is looking good again. So why do I find myself staring into space? Why do I feel a lump in my throat some mornings? Why do I have to catch my bad temper sometimes, take it to the bathroom and squeeze out a few tears (so I don’t worry my girls)?
Because I want a little bit more, that’s why. I want to share my life with someone who loves me as much as I love my children. Someone who looks at me the same way I look at a nice bit of cheese. I want love and excitement and to share all the amazing things I create for me and my girls.
Doe this mean I lack gratitude? NOPE. I am human, this is what I want. I want it just as much as the woman without children wants a baby, as much as the working man wants his job back, as much as the unhappy wife wants to travel by herself for a while. I’m kind of okay with everything else.
So this is my direction. When we are all free again, this is what I’m going to manifest for myself because I have everything else I want.
In a nutshell, it’s easy to judge others. But if we pause for a minute and get over our own resentments and jealousies, maybe we can be a bit more compassionate to others. Maybe even NICER.
Let’s face it, encouragement and genuine happiness would go a long way these days.
PS: I would genuinely love to hear what you guys are going after and I’ve left the comments turned on below.
xx
Photo by Freya